I dare call it humor

It's a slow, party cloudy, 42º Fall afternoon and I've got a case of brain slowdownedness so, I'm cleaning out a file thingie (click 'em if you can't read 'em.)

Evolution of Man

Latest addition to my Bucket List

Anything else turns up, I'll pass it along. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Joey B. steps on his Hoohah. Again.

This is the National Debt... $16 trillion

This is the National Debt on Joey B's Steroids... $500 trillion

Joey B. don't do Math.

There are days I miss Texas

US Air Force Humor

"With All Due Respect . . . ."

A C-141-A Starlifter had been delayed for take-off for over an hour at Thule Air Force Base, Greenland*, because a sewage repository had not been pumped out.

Finally a young airman wanders up to the aircraft with the approprirate equipment. The airman fiddles around for a while, does his thing, and then gets ready to leave.

The aircraft commander, a young captain, confronts the airman. "You've caused me to be two hours late for my take-off. I'll see that you are not only reprimanded, but punished as well! "

At that the young airman, smiles. "Sir, with all due respect, I have no stripes, I'm stationed at Thule, Greenland, it's 20 degrees below zero, and I'm pumping s#!+ from your aircraft. Just what kind of punishment did you have in mind? "

* Thule (pronounced toolie) Air Force Base is the U.S. Armed Forces' northernmost installation, located 750 miles north of the Arctic Circle. February averages as the coldest month (-19°F) and July the warmest (45°F).

Can we talk about Candy Corn?

Or continue talking about it. (Oreos post)

The history... Other vegetable shapes -- including turnips?

Video... Behind the scenes at a candy corn factory.

Recipe... Yellow and orange gel paste?

Decorating with it... Deck the halls with.

The price range... Gourmet version?

The nutritional value (maybe you'd rather not know)... It has calories?

Message in a Bottle

A boy and his bottle message

No, not the the movie or the song. But a real-life tale of a 9-year old boy finding a real-life bottle with a real-life message.

The youngster was walking on the beach near his home in Ireland and found a 2-liter bottle with a message inside.

“The message in a bottle had been pitched into the water in 2004 by two

Canadian girls on vacation along the Saint Lawrence River in Quebec.

It had taken eight years to travel some 2,500 miles before washing ashore

near the tiny village of Passage East in County Waterford, Ireland.”

The e-mail address in the message no longer worked, but as word of the bottle got out, the two girls heard their bottle had been found...

Tuesday night, Oisin sat down to chat with them in a much

more modern way—online, via Skype.

"Bonjour!" he said cheerily, before showing them their old note

and the crushed, green plastic bottle he found it in. The young

women leaned in close to their computer to get a better look.

The story links to another, about a 98-year old message in a bottle being setting the world record, but the link doesn't work. This one does.

 

220.5 mph on a Texas highway... Smokie approves?

You buckled up in there?

This follows up my post about the new stretch of Texas highway where you can legally haul-it at 85 mph...

High-performance tuner John Hennessey found a way to show off one of his latest projects and help the Texas Department of Public Safety test some of  some of their equipment at the same time.

“...Texas authorities let him take a full-speed blast down the state's newest

toll road outside Austin that opened today, one that features an

85-mph speed limit. It's just long enough for the 1,200-hp,

twin-turbo Cadillac CTS-V coupe to hit 220.5 mph.”

“...might have done 230 mph had he been granted another mile of tarmac.”

Man, talk about haulin' it!

What could a pro footballer making $3.8 million a year (+bonuses) possibly want?

Cheaper this way, Chris.

FREE BEER!! Why not? What the hell, put it in the contract demands negotiations. See if it flies.

He didn't get it. Oh, well, maybe next year, Chris. Now go play football. And buy your own 6-packs. Jeeze.

The criminal mind strikes again

A weapon of choice

The headline, Jailers worry about dental floss as a weapon got my attention. Not that I'm concerned about/particularly interested in the subject, it just made me think of Dillinger's bar of soap trick and I got curious.

“When a group of New York prisoners sued last month to demand access
to dental floss, officials said they had to consider "security issues." As it turns out, jail — 
and jailbreak — history is tightly tangled with the stringy decay fighter.”

There's that “mind” at work... 1) Use the prison library to learn law. 2) Use the law to get what you need for an escape, sewing up wounds, choking a fellow incarceratee, whatever. Pure genious.

Lead plaintiff Santiago Gomez said the jail was "violating inmates' federally protected
civil rights by not allowing inmates access to dental floss, while acknowledging
that it will result in cavities if you fail to floss your teeth."

Oh, yeah. I remember that particular “federally protected civil right.” I don't remember the federally assigned number, but I think the federally assigned title was “Assisting the Incarcerated,” and dental floss was enumerated. I remember that part. In particular.

The other uses for this everyday item, in the jail house, are unbelievably creative.

Once again, one thing leads to another...

15 Incredible Escape Tools Made by Prison Inmates (with photographs)

and

Top 10 Most Incredible Prison Escapes (from some really tough places to get out of)

Like they say, what could these guys accomplish if they put their creativity to work in a legal way?

The State Department thinks there may be a security problem at U.S. diplomatic facilities aound the planet

U.S. Embassy guard

A security problem? At U.S. Diplomatic facilities? Gee, what was their first clue?

"The review follows September’s deadly attack on a U.S. consulate in

Benghazi, Libya, and revelations there was no Marine Corps presence at the compound — 
or anywhere else in the country — when heavily armed attackers laid waste to the facility,
killing U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevensand three other Americans."

Oh, that might be the clue. Duh.

"Marine Corps officials say there’s been no call to boost the size of its Embassy Security Group.
But when asked if the State Department is assessing whether the number of Marine security
guards needs to increase, a spokesman for the agency indicated that remains to be determined."

Yeah, State's (Hillary's folks) gotta get that “determining” thing taken care of. You know, committees, Power Point presentations, graphs and charts, meetings, discussions... that stuff.