I dare call it humor

It's a slow, party cloudy, 42º Fall afternoon and I've got a case of brain slowdownedness so, I'm cleaning out a file thingie (click 'em if you can't read 'em.)

Evolution of Man

Latest addition to my Bucket List

Anything else turns up, I'll pass it along. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Joey B. steps on his Hoohah. Again.

This is the National Debt... $16 trillion

This is the National Debt on Joey B's Steroids... $500 trillion

Joey B. don't do Math.

There are days I miss Texas

US Air Force Humor

"With All Due Respect . . . ."

A C-141-A Starlifter had been delayed for take-off for over an hour at Thule Air Force Base, Greenland*, because a sewage repository had not been pumped out.

Finally a young airman wanders up to the aircraft with the approprirate equipment. The airman fiddles around for a while, does his thing, and then gets ready to leave.

The aircraft commander, a young captain, confronts the airman. "You've caused me to be two hours late for my take-off. I'll see that you are not only reprimanded, but punished as well! "

At that the young airman, smiles. "Sir, with all due respect, I have no stripes, I'm stationed at Thule, Greenland, it's 20 degrees below zero, and I'm pumping s#!+ from your aircraft. Just what kind of punishment did you have in mind? "

* Thule (pronounced toolie) Air Force Base is the U.S. Armed Forces' northernmost installation, located 750 miles north of the Arctic Circle. February averages as the coldest month (-19°F) and July the warmest (45°F).

Can we talk about Candy Corn?

Or continue talking about it. (Oreos post)

The history... Other vegetable shapes -- including turnips?

Video... Behind the scenes at a candy corn factory.

Recipe... Yellow and orange gel paste?

Decorating with it... Deck the halls with.

The price range... Gourmet version?

The nutritional value (maybe you'd rather not know)... It has calories?

Message in a Bottle

A boy and his bottle message

No, not the the movie or the song. But a real-life tale of a 9-year old boy finding a real-life bottle with a real-life message.

The youngster was walking on the beach near his home in Ireland and found a 2-liter bottle with a message inside.

“The message in a bottle had been pitched into the water in 2004 by two

Canadian girls on vacation along the Saint Lawrence River in Quebec.

It had taken eight years to travel some 2,500 miles before washing ashore

near the tiny village of Passage East in County Waterford, Ireland.”

The e-mail address in the message no longer worked, but as word of the bottle got out, the two girls heard their bottle had been found...

Tuesday night, Oisin sat down to chat with them in a much

more modern way—online, via Skype.

"Bonjour!" he said cheerily, before showing them their old note

and the crushed, green plastic bottle he found it in. The young

women leaned in close to their computer to get a better look.

The story links to another, about a 98-year old message in a bottle being setting the world record, but the link doesn't work. This one does.

 

220.5 mph on a Texas highway... Smokie approves?

You buckled up in there?

This follows up my post about the new stretch of Texas highway where you can legally haul-it at 85 mph...

High-performance tuner John Hennessey found a way to show off one of his latest projects and help the Texas Department of Public Safety test some of  some of their equipment at the same time.

“...Texas authorities let him take a full-speed blast down the state's newest

toll road outside Austin that opened today, one that features an

85-mph speed limit. It's just long enough for the 1,200-hp,

twin-turbo Cadillac CTS-V coupe to hit 220.5 mph.”

“...might have done 230 mph had he been granted another mile of tarmac.”

Man, talk about haulin' it!

What could a pro footballer making $3.8 million a year (+bonuses) possibly want?

Cheaper this way, Chris.

FREE BEER!! Why not? What the hell, put it in the contract demands negotiations. See if it flies.

He didn't get it. Oh, well, maybe next year, Chris. Now go play football. And buy your own 6-packs. Jeeze.

The criminal mind strikes again

A weapon of choice

The headline, Jailers worry about dental floss as a weapon got my attention. Not that I'm concerned about/particularly interested in the subject, it just made me think of Dillinger's bar of soap trick and I got curious.

“When a group of New York prisoners sued last month to demand access
to dental floss, officials said they had to consider "security issues." As it turns out, jail — 
and jailbreak — history is tightly tangled with the stringy decay fighter.”

There's that “mind” at work... 1) Use the prison library to learn law. 2) Use the law to get what you need for an escape, sewing up wounds, choking a fellow incarceratee, whatever. Pure genious.

Lead plaintiff Santiago Gomez said the jail was "violating inmates' federally protected
civil rights by not allowing inmates access to dental floss, while acknowledging
that it will result in cavities if you fail to floss your teeth."

Oh, yeah. I remember that particular “federally protected civil right.” I don't remember the federally assigned number, but I think the federally assigned title was “Assisting the Incarcerated,” and dental floss was enumerated. I remember that part. In particular.

The other uses for this everyday item, in the jail house, are unbelievably creative.

Once again, one thing leads to another...

15 Incredible Escape Tools Made by Prison Inmates (with photographs)

and

Top 10 Most Incredible Prison Escapes (from some really tough places to get out of)

Like they say, what could these guys accomplish if they put their creativity to work in a legal way?

The State Department thinks there may be a security problem at U.S. diplomatic facilities aound the planet

U.S. Embassy guard

A security problem? At U.S. Diplomatic facilities? Gee, what was their first clue?

"The review follows September’s deadly attack on a U.S. consulate in

Benghazi, Libya, and revelations there was no Marine Corps presence at the compound — 
or anywhere else in the country — when heavily armed attackers laid waste to the facility,
killing U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevensand three other Americans."

Oh, that might be the clue. Duh.

"Marine Corps officials say there’s been no call to boost the size of its Embassy Security Group.
But when asked if the State Department is assessing whether the number of Marine security
guards needs to increase, a spokesman for the agency indicated that remains to be determined."

Yeah, State's (Hillary's folks) gotta get that “determining” thing taken care of. You know, committees, Power Point presentations, graphs and charts, meetings, discussions... that stuff.

Momma's got a whole lotta $$$

Money? What Money?

Not the most startling news. A lot of Mommas have a lotta $$$. But, this particular Momma is the Momma of the Leader of the People's Republic of China! You know, the nation of over a billion folks. The majority of whom live in poverty. Even more than in the US.

A little background...

“The mother of China’s prime minister was a school teacher in northern China. His father was ordered to tend pigs in one of Mao’s political campaigns. And during childhood, “my family was extremely poor,” the prime minister, Wen Jiabao, said in a speech last year.”

School teacher? (and not even a Chicao school teacher at that) Pig farmer during Mao Tse Tung's reign of terror? A lot of questions come to mind. A lot.

Just one investment in her name, in a large Chinese financial services company, had a value of $120 million five years ago, the records show.

The details of how Ms. Yang, a widow, accumulated such wealth are not known, or even if she was aware of the holdings in her name. But it happened after her son was elevated to China’s ruling elite, first in 1998 as vice prime minister and then five years later as prime minister.

The story goes on about most of Wen's family tree becoming wealthy, hidden funds, offshore manipulaions, etc. And this $$$ doesn't seem to be the kind made “the old fashioned way – earning it.” No, “They didn't build it,” they stole, syphoned, kick-backed, loop-holed, and generally used whatever Mafia-like techniques required to pile it up.

There's a long, long list of behind the scenes financial doings in the country we're shipping boatloads of our cash to every day. I liked the ending...

The prime minister’s supporters say he has not personally benefited from his extended family’s business dealings, and may not even be knowledgeable about the extent of them.

Last March, the prime minister hinted that he was at least aware of the persistent rumors about his relatives. During a nationally televised news conference in Beijing, he insisted that he had “never pursued personal gain” in public office.

“I have the courage to face the people and to face history,” he said in an emotional session. “There are people who will appreciate what I have done, but there are also people who will criticize me. Ultimately, history will have the final say.”

Sounds like something you'd hear from one our own politicians PR reps.

Beetle mittens? What a bunch of crap!

The object of our attention.

Maybe I should have used another word. How about pasture lilies? But mittens and Dung Beetle's? Give me a break.

I've seen the little bug. I've watched it do the job assigned to it by Mother Nature. I understand its role in Life. What I don't understand is why some scientist would want to put a pair of mittens on one. Why/how would this idea even come up in the crazy world of science. That's the thing about scientists. They are wild and wacky thinkers.

Jochen Smolka, Lund University, Sweden, is studying the bug Scarabaeus nigroaeneus in Africa.  He's "... found that their dung balls aren’t just take-away meals—they’re also portable coolers." So now, besides mittens we've got air conditioners? Read on.

"Smolka placed dung beetles and their balls in a sandy circular arena, etched into their

natural habitat. If he shaded the arena so it was cooler than 50°C, the beetles rolled

their balls out without pause. On hotter ground, their front feet can heat up by as much

as 10°C, and that triggers them to climb onto their balls. Here’s where the adorable

green mitts come in—if Smolka placed these on the beetles, their front feet didn’t

heat up, and they were less likely to climb onto their balls."

So we know. I still want to know how he; 1) Made the mittens. 2) Got them on those tiny little feet. No mention was made. What a way to make a living, huh?

Today (in history), a cash crop was born

Movies, movie re-makes, books, other books, a tourist stop, memorabilia, re-enactment shows, and on and on.

Shootout at the OK Corral. The story's been told, re-told, embellished, distorted and to this day no one knows, absolutely, what happened.

This is NOT how our Founding Fathers envisioned our voting process. This is NOT what our military sacrifices to preserve!

In Florida, Virginia and Indiana, voters have received phone calls that

wrongly told them there was no need to cast a ballot in person on Election Day

because they could vote by phone.

In Ohio and Wisconsin, billboards in mostly low-income and minority neighborhoods

showed prisoners behind bars and warned of criminal penalties for voter fraud - 

an effort that voting rights groups say was designed to intimidate minority voters.

Who the hell are these people who think they can do these things? What kind of mindset generates this despicable behavior?

Got 5 min:17 sec? Want to watch the "Libya Bump" unfold? With a preface by ex-President Clinton?

"President Obama and his administration have failed to give the American

public clear answers on the terrorist attack that happened on 9/11 in Benghazi, Libya.

This is a timeline of the events that occurred surrounding the attack on U.S. soil at

our consulate in Libya. It's been 40 + days since the attack with no clear answers

and no clear leadership from President Obama."

It's on this video.

File this under "How Low Can You Go?" (no, this isn't about a limbo song)

Maybe a Bimbo song? Young lady made an ad for The Prez. She seems to be talking about THE "first time." No, it's not actually THAT "first time."

At the link there's mention of (and links to) a "similar" ad for Mad Vlad. Yeah, the KGB Commie.

No mention as to when/where it is/has/will run(ning). My guess... MTV.

I find 'em. You read 'em. Or don't

Gloria Allred shot down in court... Bye Bye October non-disclosure-Surprise

Congressman Allen West discussing Tingles Matthews... "I don't know if he has gotten off of his medications."

In October?... Surprise endorsements for The Prez?

Former SEALS weigh in... "Bump in the road"

Obama didn't kill that... Panetta did

If "the rest of the world" could vote, they'd choose Obama. Bad news? Good news? Should I even give a ____?

Not a BBC chart

According to a BBC World Service poll (there's that word again)...

An average of 50% favoured Mr Obama, with 9% for Mr Romney,

in the survey of 21,797 people in 21 countries.

They put together a confusing, to me, set of colorful charts, but I don't see any details about Who/What/Where stuff. Just like most of our (USA) pollsters.

Shuckin' 'n jivin'

Sometime back in the 50's, in Memphis, TN, was the first time I heard the phrase. It was used by a Black male describing a scam run on Black families by another Black male. It had no racist meaning to me. I had no idea where he got it but, in the context used, I understood it completely. No interpretation needed.

As years passed I continued to hear it and even used it. Still, not even a hint of racism arises. And it was always understood.

Enter today's whiney, touch-feely, can't we all just get along journalists and their Dictionary Code Book of Racist Words and Expressions, Abridged Version.

The most recent victim target vile Anglo-Saxon perpetrator of crimes against the Ethics Standards of Usage of the English Language According to the Liberal School of Journalism is Sarah Palin. She used the aforementioned phrase. And the slings and arrows were brought forth and placed in use. Like Texas (or, as she calls it, "The second largest state."), you just "Don't Mess with Sarah Palin." She fired back.

"For the record," Palin wrote on her Facebook page, "there was nothing remotely racist

in my use of the phrase 'shuck and jive'—a phrase which many people have used, including

Chris Matthews, Andrew Cuomo, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to name

a few off the top of my head."

I'm not a huge Palin fan, but I do admire folks with Grit. And the lady got grit.

I've been known to use the phrase most often when chastising my daughter Piper to stop

procrastinating and do her homework. As she is part Yup'ik Eskimo, I'm not sure if this term

would be deemed offensive when it's directed at her or if it would be considered benign as in

the case of Chris Matthews' use of it in reference to Rachel Maddow. Just to be careful, from

now on I'll avoid using it with Piper, and I would appreciate it if the media refrained from

using words and phrases like igloo, Eskimo Pie, and "when hell freezes over," as they might be considered offensive by my extended Alaska Native family.

There's more at the link and a few more links.

BTW, she also used a Yiddish term, "shtick." Since there's been no furor raised, I'm assuming there is no "Standard" for words, terms or phrases which might be considered Anti-Semitic.

I surf. I copy. I caption.

These originated from Radio Free Europe's picture of the day page.
Click to enbiggenify.

Somebody yell "Hands behind your head? We bein' busted?

The counterfeit new I-pad is available today at the counterfeit Apple store in China.

Ok, back to the drawing board.

Modern day David, in Syria, takes on Goliath Assad.

Michelle who's in charge of cafeteria menus now?

Point that thing my way, Grumpy, and I'll bust a cricket paddle on ya'.